Wednesday, November 28, 2007


I went clothes shopping today after work. Yes, at an actual store. No, they don't also sell used record players. Seriously, an actual store! Of course, I couldn't verify that the clothes weren't made by young children chained to a table in Indonesia. But, what do you want? It's Christmas.

Anyway, I'm always very cautious about buying clothes. I'm convinced that I have absolutely no style, and that this quality is a main feature of my persona, as if people think of my inability to dress myself upon the very mention of me, before any other aspects of my personality.

"Jonathan? Why, yes, I know him. The guy who dresses like Balki from Perfect Strangers?"

I bought a green zip-up sweatshirt, a red button-down shirt with white stripes and some grey pants. The store called them "The Producer". I feel kind of Bob Weinstein-ish sometimes anyway, but it helped to be wearing the pants.

That's interesting, isn't it? You zip up, but you button down. You only "button up" if you must do it very quickly, as in "My husband is home, button up!" And you only "zip down" if it's to Starbucks or something, as in "I'm going to zip down to Tijuana and blow the kid's college savings." (Don't sue, Carlin!)

I went to two stores. One had a Men's section and a Women's section. Very convenient. The other store had two different rooms, but the clothes were all scattered, so each room had both men's and women's, pants, shirts, scarves, shoes, all mingled together. The clothes at this place are also such that I was often confused as to whether I was looking at men's or women's clothing.

You used to be able to tell by how the circulation to your lower half got cut off by the pants, but now men's jeans do that too! I guess I just wasn't made for these times.

Final note: I can't wear the clothes for at least a few days after I've bought them, or else I feel like I'm trying to prove something, and everyone will know I just went shopping. Wonder why that is?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

That's The Dopplr Promise

It's been a week since I've posted, and I can think of nothing better to promote this week than Monday's edition of Mahalo Daily. If you look real closely, you might just see some familiar faces.

Don't worry, my blog will not turn into a Mahalo-promoting machine. We're just too damn good sometimes.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Oh help me, dear doctor, I'm damaged

I'm trying to think of another profession in the world where you can be chronically late, for every single appointment, and be completely immune to criticism. The only other person I can think of who is late every time is the cable guy, and he takes tons of criticism!
Actually, he doesn't. The poor person on the customer service helpline who's been there since 5 AM has to hear about how you have to take your dog to the kennel and pick your children up from day care and reorganize your senile uncle's sock drawer, blah blah blah. The point is, that industry gets intense criticism.

Doctors, on the other hand, have never had an unkind word said to them. For all they know, we like waiting in two separate rooms for 40 minutes apiece. I'm almost disappointed when the doctor finally comes in. After all, I only have to leave to put money in the meter twice!

I had a doctor's appointment the other morning. I specifically requested the very first one, so that there would be no running-late/previous-patient nonsense. I was amazed. Only in the waiting room for 10 minutes and the nurse was calling my name. "Mr. Jonathan?" That's me!

The nurses, I must say, are right on the money. They check your height, weight, blood pressure, temperature in about 30 seconds flat. I love the efficiency. We went through that whole business in which I learned that I, in fact, have shrunk another half inch since my previous visit to the doctor two weeks ago! I'll be 4 inches tall in a few months or so and then I can finally take that trip to Lilliput!

Anyway, my excitement brewed as I made it into this empty series of corridors so quickly. I was positive that the doctor was just sitting alone, right inside his office, perhaps doodling or playing with a rubix cube, eager for his first patient to arrive. I was led into my little room and hopped right up on that paper runway (germs could never penetrate that!) and commenced with what, I was certain, would be no more than 4 minutes of thumb-twiddling.

Three September 2003 magazines, a thickening beard, and one vernal equinox later the doctor opened the door and spent approximitely 16 1/2 seconds actually speaking to me. He quite resembled that guy who used to do the Micro Machines commercials back in the 80s.

Based on the time I have spent actually in the presence of a doctor in my life, I estimate that they see anywhere between three and four-thousand patients per day. Either that or they spend their entire mornings attempting to read their own handwriting.

Whew. What a rant! Serenity Now!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

A Few Plugs

I have an honest-to-god real post coming soon about going to the doctor's office, but for right now, a few plugs for Mahalo.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and Mahalo has a plethora of outstanding search results to help you plan your Thanksgiving meals, festivities, etc.
Here are some pages:
Best Vegetarian Thanksgiving
How to Survive Thanksgiving Dinner with Your Family
Thanksgiving Casseroles
Thanksgiving Cupcakes
Thanksgiving MySpace Layouts
Thanksgiving Turkey
Thanksgiving Wine

One more plug. The new Mahalo daily podcast, aptly titled Mahalo Daily, is out and getting great press! Featuring the mythical Veronica Belmont.
Check it out!

Typical Jonathan post featuring whining and lovable sarcasm coming soon....

Monday, November 5, 2007


I ate at Michelangelo in Silver Lake tonight. One of my favorite Italian restaurants in Los Angeles. After much urging, I tried the risotto, which I've never had before, and ended up being quite delicious.

The service wasn't perfect, but I was in a party of 14 people so I'm sure they were a little overwhelmed. When it's your birthday they turn off all the lights and play loud, distracting music so that everyone in the place knows it's your birthday and starts to hate you. It's great if it's not your birthday and you can just watch with amusement.

It's cold in the city now, which makes me not want to stay out late eating, especially in the middle of the week. It's also that time of year when I started thinking that my alarm clock is playing a cruel joke on me, because it couldn't possible be 7:45 AM when it's that cold and unforgivable out.

I'm only titling this post "Michelangelo", because putting "Michelangelo Silver Lake" would make it look like I was desperately trying to get into that #1 spot in Google for that result. I'll test it in a few days and see if my keywords and blog prowess have been successful.