Wednesday, November 28, 2007


I went clothes shopping today after work. Yes, at an actual store. No, they don't also sell used record players. Seriously, an actual store! Of course, I couldn't verify that the clothes weren't made by young children chained to a table in Indonesia. But, what do you want? It's Christmas.

Anyway, I'm always very cautious about buying clothes. I'm convinced that I have absolutely no style, and that this quality is a main feature of my persona, as if people think of my inability to dress myself upon the very mention of me, before any other aspects of my personality.

"Jonathan? Why, yes, I know him. The guy who dresses like Balki from Perfect Strangers?"

I bought a green zip-up sweatshirt, a red button-down shirt with white stripes and some grey pants. The store called them "The Producer". I feel kind of Bob Weinstein-ish sometimes anyway, but it helped to be wearing the pants.

That's interesting, isn't it? You zip up, but you button down. You only "button up" if you must do it very quickly, as in "My husband is home, button up!" And you only "zip down" if it's to Starbucks or something, as in "I'm going to zip down to Tijuana and blow the kid's college savings." (Don't sue, Carlin!)

I went to two stores. One had a Men's section and a Women's section. Very convenient. The other store had two different rooms, but the clothes were all scattered, so each room had both men's and women's, pants, shirts, scarves, shoes, all mingled together. The clothes at this place are also such that I was often confused as to whether I was looking at men's or women's clothing.

You used to be able to tell by how the circulation to your lower half got cut off by the pants, but now men's jeans do that too! I guess I just wasn't made for these times.

Final note: I can't wear the clothes for at least a few days after I've bought them, or else I feel like I'm trying to prove something, and everyone will know I just went shopping. Wonder why that is?

No comments: