Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Writer's Strike Sends "Jungle Cruise" Into Third Month of Old Jokes

DISNEYLAND--Three months after the Writer's Guild of America walked off the job, the effects are finally being felt outside of Hollywood. Many Disneyland "Jungle Cruise" Guides are complaining about old and tired material.
"I'm not sure how much longer we can go on like this," said "Jungle Cruise" veteran Ryan Sinclair. "I've told the joke about the most famous rock on the tour being taken for granite so many times that the audience just isn't feeling it anymore."
Disneyland employees have been seen nightly at the bar of the Downtown Disney House of Blues, attempting to form original snarky comments about Anaheim tourists.
"We really aren't as creative as we look," Sinclair continued. "I've talked about the backside of water so much, the words no longer have any meaning."
Sinclair then took a fake safari pistol to his head and mimicked a popping noise.
28-year-old Virginia Chesterfield expressed similar sentiments over a Blueberry Daiquiri.
"This strike is putting us all at great hardship. Let me point out some of the horrible repercussions. There's one...there's one."
Asked if they've learned anything from this ordeal, Sinclair seemed rather optimistic.
"I've learned some valuable lessons. Like, did you know that the Nile river is over 4000 miles long? And if you don't believe that, you must be in denial."
Many employees were playing poker in the break room to pass the time between tours.
"Never play poker in the jungle," said 26-year-old Maynard Preston. "There are too many cheetahs around. If they say they're not a cheetah, then they're most likely a lion."
According to industry insiders, the strike could continue on indefinitely. Many "Jungle Cruise" guides were asked how they would cope.
"I'm not sure what to do," said Chesterfield. "I'd protest, but whenever I had a scab as a kid, my mom would tell me not to pick it."

-Thanks to Yoda for the ideas

2 comments:

. . . said...

ha ha ha. love it!

. . . said...

i miss disneyland. so much. oh so much.