Tuesday, July 1, 2008

¿Dónde está mi reembolso?

"You did not qualify for the Stimulus payment because your qualifying income was not high enough."

This is the sentence I read from the official IRS site when I followed their Where's My Stimulus Package? link. You see, though I think it's a dumb idea in the first place, I was going to put that $600 to good use, in terms of securing my apartment for another month and buying enough Hormel Chili and Easy Mac to cruise through the summer. However, the IRS now says that I didn't make enough money to qualify for the stimulus payment. Wasn't the entire point to give money to people who don't freaking have any? (i.e. me!)

I'm very confused by all this. Not that I trusted the Bush Administration to actually make good on their promises. Honestly, I'd have a better chance of getting money from them if they promised to shoot 10,000 bags of bagged spinach to Venus.

I thought for a moment that I might be confused about my "qualifying income." Perhaps I'm supposed to earn money in a different way? I earn my money through the traditional means: working furiously for countless hours so I can scrape together enough crumpled singles to buy nachos from the nearest taco truck. Apparently, the government wishes for me to accrue my finances through some other method. I'll have to ask the corner dealers if they have received their stimulus yet.

The following is a list of the wealthiest U.S. senators and how much they're worth (plenty of Democrats in here, just in case you thought I wasn't being fair):
John Kerry, D-Massachusetts: $163,626,399
Herb Kohl, D-Wisconsin: $111,015,016
John Rockefeller, D -West Virginia: $81,648,018
Jon Corzine, D-New Jersey: $71,035,025
Dianne Feinstein, D-California: $26,377,109
Peter Fitzgerald, R-Illinois: $26,132,013
Frank Lautenberg, D-New Jersey $17,789,018
John Edwards, D-North Carolina: $12,844,029
Edward Kennedy, D-Massachusetts: $9,905,009
Jeff Bingaman, D-New Mexico: $7,981,015
Bob Graham, D-Florida: $7,691,052
Richard Shelby, R-Alabama: $7,085,012
Gordon Smith, R-Oregon: $6,429,011
Lincoln Chafee, R-Rhode Island: $6,296,010

Thanks, guys (and Dianne).

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