Wednesday, October 22, 2008

No, I am certainly not Anne Hathaway's mystery man...

Alright, you can all stop asking me. I've read all about it in People magazine. Yes, Anne Hathaway has a new mystery man. But, who on Earth could it be?

Don't look my way...I have ab-so-lute-ly no idea. Not like she leaves any tasty little clues dropping around. What's this quote? "This guy I know in L.A. is kind of doing it for me right now." Guy in L.A.? Well, that doesn't narrow it down at all. I mean there are 2 million of us strapping young gentlemen in Los Angeles. True, true, not all of them are as well-respected, authoritative, sexual and mysterious as yours truly, but you don't really think it's me, do you?

That article is rubbish anyway. Don't even bother reading it. Okay, maybe a bit more: "I happened to meet a sexy guy the other day. When I think of sexy, I think of him." Oh, Anne, you're a beast. I mean, well...that doesn't mean anything! Just because the mere thought of this person inspires the image of sexiness doesn't mean it's me!

One more quote, if that'll satisfy you vultures: "You know when sometimes you don't know someone very well – you'll probably never see them again – but you just meet them and you're like 'WOW, you really have it going on'?"

.....

I can't keep this farce up anymore. Can I help it if my animal magnetism draws in Hollywood starlets like a Bvlgari store on Christmas Eve? Is it so wrong if the sight of me in slim-fitting Adidas workout sweats sends world-famous beauties into semi-orgasmic frenzies. Don't you dare judge me! Anne Hathaway and I have a love like the sweet summer rain!

2 comments:

Jenny Beans said...

Jonathan, this was the best blog post I read all day.

Jonathan said...

Thank you, Jenny! I do my best to actually entertain amidst my general ramblings.